Autopilot.
Each movement is thoughtless. Every step robotic. Eyes great glass orbs. Face, expressionless. To the composed dog watcher you are just another passerby. You have a destination, you move from A to B, they neither know where nor do they care. To the dog you are just another human to sniff. Around you the early morning light casts lewd shapes upon the glassy surface of the canal. A snarling mongrel, a gnarled hand, a winking eye. You do not pay attention. The plants that line the canal has gone, there is just a knives edge between you and the water. You do not consider this. Your whole essence is incensed with home. Home promises a warm cocoon for you to curl inside, home promises pillows and sofa’s and tracksuit bottoms. Here promises nothing. Here your breath is a spectre in the wind, which whistles like a banshee in your ear.
Today, you are insensible. You do not notice that the sky is a palate of blues and greys or that when the light hits the steel bench it makes geometric shapes waltz across the concrete. On a branch above you a blackbird screams as a black cat stalks it from below, even this does not catch your eye.
The whole world is a live wire, a nerve ending, a screaming child. It is the woman in the new dress, the man with the new haircut, the secret admirer. You do however, notice the man behind you. A jogger, you think. Nothing more, nothing less. But you are alone and you are vulnerable. This you realise. A cat shrieks. You jump. Slower, you make your pace. The man mirrors this. Faster, the man matches this. In your chest your heart is beating like an unruly metronome and suddenly your breath is cut up into rags.
Closer.
So close his breath is upon your neck, sensual as a lover’s kiss. This is the end. This is it. Your eyes are opened now. The colours of the sky, the shapes upon the water. You see it all. You feel his touch upon your arm. Why didn’t you ever look? Why didn’t you ever see? The whole rock of the world just outside your doorstep.
“Excuse me, you dropped your earring…”
“Oh,” a flush of red upon your cheeks “Thank you”
“I didn’t mean to frighten you” a kind face.
“It’s fine”
Autopilot.
